Self-testing on the Mission Field

"When we realize a constant enemy of the soul abides within us, what diligence and watchfulness we should have! How woeful is the sloth and negligence then of so many who live blind and asleep to this reality of sin. There is an exceeding efficacy and power in the indwelling sin of believers, for it constantly inclines itself towards evil. We need to be awake, then, if our hearts would know the ways of God. Our enemy is not only upon us, as it was with Samson, but it is also in us. So if we would not dishonor God and His gospel, if we would not scandalize the saints of God, if we would not avoid our own conscience and endanger our own soul, if we would not grieve the Holy Spirit, then we must stay alert to our own danger" (John Owen, Sin and Temptation, 7).

As I ponder this quotation, I realize how necessary self-examination will be once in France. (Not that it isn't important now in the US, but I am thinking of our mission to France.) I need God to search me now while I have a church family to support me. I will definitely need God to search me in France when I will lack a strong church to encourage and help me. In France, the Bible will be one of the primary means by which God checks my spirit. (Thank God I will also have a good wife and the Bixbys while in France.) Recently I have especially thought of self-testing along the lines of Proverbs 2:1-4. I think of these verses as providing something I call the 3E test. The first test of my condition has to do with my Estimation. I must ask myself if I value wisdom (the skill to please God) above all things or if my pleasure or will rank above God's. The second test of my spiritual state involves my Emotions. What do I love? What moves me to action? If it is not God and his ways, then I am off base. The final test has to do with Energy. What am I putting my strength into? If I find myself spending more energy on my pleasure, pet projects, entertainment, etc. then it is time to repent and ask God for a reallignment.

It is scary to think that there remains within me a bent away from God. The enemy within wants nothing to do with the conversion of the French. It will undermine all my intentions with selfishness and pride. Thank God for his Word that can pick out and suppress my remaining corruption. Thank God for the Spirit who strives against my flesh. Thank God for the hope that in Christ Jesus he can keep me from falling until the final day!